


Makeshift Marriage

by beautifuldisgrace



Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fake Wedding hueheuehue, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Office Shenanigans, Will is Tired, i guess this is comedy, i intend to reference the infamous single blueberry in all of my fics from now on, kym is a pan icon, matchmaker!lauren, post season one finale, sir this is my emotional support kywi fic, them eating breakfast together bc IM SOFT, wingwoman!lila
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25188652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifuldisgrace/pseuds/beautifuldisgrace
Summary: [DISCONTINUED, might rewrite] Will gets a little more than he bargained for after agreeing to "marry" Kym for her latest scheme.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White (background), William Hawkes/Kym Ladell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	1. Infallible Idea

The Ardhalis Police Department break room was peaceful, low murmurs of conversation spread evenly between the circular wooden tables. 

Lauren rested her head on her arms, trying to catch a few minutes of blissful slumber before her next patrol. The perpetual dark circles under her eyes attested to her unhealthy sleeping habits; they had only worsened after the arrival of her newest coworker, a mister Kieran White. She gritted her teeth.

She would deal with him later. Right now, what she needed was some well-deserved _rest_. Her eyelids started to droop, the droning of voices around her fading away…

“Lauren! Look at this!” A familiar voice jerked her awake. Kym Ladell was dragging a wooden chair to her table with a loud _screech_ , waving a copy of the day’s _Le Journal_ in the air.

“Hello, Kym,” Lauren said with a weary smile. “What’s the news?” 

Kym pointed at one of the articles.

“Vancroft Oil builds new production facility in South Houndrell...?”

“Oh sorry, the one under that.”

Lauren peered at the paper. “‘The Ardhalis Confidential: advice and answers for proper society ladies.’ Do you really read this stuff?”

“No, but you have to admit this one is ingenious: ‘Tip for newlyweds: send a wedding invite to every aristocrat whose address you can find because there’s a fifty percent chance their secretaries will just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are.’ Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“No?”

“You don’t even have to be getting married for this! It’s the perfect scheme for free gifts!” Kym declared with a wide grin. 

“Have you found a fiancée-to-be yet?” Lauren questioned.

“I asked Lila, but she politely declined. But I can’t believe what she said next--she suggested I ask _Will_ . Could you imagine that? Me and Lieutenant Wil _lame_?”

Lauren hid a smile behind her hand. “ **No, not at all**. Oh, speak of the devil, look who it is!” She waved over her childhood friend, who had just gotten off patrol. 

“What are you two scheming about?” he asked.

“I’m getting married,” Kym told him matter-of-factly. Will blanched.

“What? To whom?” 

“To my beloved: the beautiful, magnificent, incredible, handsome, aromatic, romantic, faithful, dutiful, uhhh humble, intelligent, patriotic, suave, and vivacious WATERMELON LORD!” 

Will stared at her. 

“No, but seriously, I need a partner-in-crime for my brilliant idea.” She showed him the article.

“If I help you,” he said, sounding exasperated, “will you agree to finally finish all your paperwork on time for once?”

“And you have to lift the ban on eating watermelon in the office.”

“And I have to--wait, that isn’t even an incentive for me to-”

Kym clasped her hands together. “So it’s decided! I’m going to go make wedding invitations, so _ciao_!” She took her coat from the back of the chair, flashing a peace sign as she exited the room. 

After she left, Will plopped down into her empty chair. “What did I just get myself into?”


	2. Tranquil Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrenching open the door, he said, “Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested- oh! Kym? What are you doing here?”  
> The blue-haired sergeant was standing outside his house, wrapped in a navy wool coat, grinning like she knew something he didn’t.  
> “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!” she said, pretending to be shocked. “We have plans today!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so for this chapter pretend will’s mom is staying at the hospital or smth i honestly can’t remember if she lives with will

It was supposed to be his day off. Will had been looking forward to a quiet day at home, maybe practicing a few sonatas on the piano and reading that book he’d been meaning to finish for a while. Between the increased night shifts and the hunt for Lune, it seemed like he’d gotten less and less time to himself than ever.

He rose with the sun. It was partially his fault though; in his exhaustion last night (from yet _another_ midnight patrol around the precinct), he’d forgotten to close the curtains completely. Now, a dazzling sliver of light pried its way through the thick fabric, demanding his attention.

“Ugh.” It couldn’t have been later than seven. He wrapped a linen robe around himself, cursing the chilly Ardhalis winters. 

Will fixed himself a simple, but hearty, breakfast of pancakes and scrambled eggs. Opening the pantry to look for blueberries for a compote, he saw that there was only a single berry left. He would have to visit the market later. Shrugging, he settled for maple syrup.

He brought a forkful of the fluffy dish to his lips and was about to savor its sweetness when-

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

Will dropped his fork. Who could be knocking at his door, especially at this hour, when most people were still fast asleep? 

He pushed himself up to a standing position and made his way to the door.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

Whoever was pounding at his door, they were impatient. Didn’t they have any regard for others? It was seven o’ clock, for God’s sake.

Wrenching open the door, he said, “Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested- oh! Kym? What are you doing here?”

The blue-haired sergeant was standing outside his house, wrapped in a navy wool coat, grinning like she knew something he didn’t.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!” she said, pretending to be shocked. “We have plans today!”

“...We do?”

“Yes, and if you’d invite me inside like a true gentleman, then I could remind you- hey! Are those pancakes I smell?” She pushed past him into the foyer, sniffing the air. Will fought the urge to smile. Her resemblance to a raccoon was uncanny at times.

Catching up to her, Will asked, “When did I agree to you barging into my house at the crack of dawn?”

Kym threw up her hands. “After the patrol! Do you really not remember?”

“Ah. I must have been too tired to remember.”

“Anyways,” Kym continued, pulling a paper packet from the inside of her coat. She slapped it down on the breakfast table, causing a few sheets of stationery to slide out. “You agreed to help me make wedding invitations!”

Will pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You’re still following through with this whole wedding thing, huh?”

She batted her eyelashes at him, smiling brightly. His heart skipped a beat.

“Of course! And if you were a good fiancée, you’d fetch me a pen, Willame.”

“Go get one yourself.”

“I don’t know where they are. This is _your_ house.”

Sighing, he walked into the study and gathered a few pens. On his way back, he poured a couple of cups of coffee for himself and his guest. Maybe, he thought, it would be easier to deal with her antics when he was caffeinated.

He quickly changed his mind, though, when he caught her stealing bites of his pancakes.

“You can have them. I’ll make myself more later,” he said. She raised her eyebrows.

“Really? You’re not going to fight me for them? We won’t jest on horseback for the fantastic prize of pancakes and eternal glory?”

“No, it’s fine. You should probably eat something that isn’t watermelon every once in a while. And I don’t mind cooking, especially if it’s for you,” he said, then immediately regretted it. He felt hot blush creeping up his cheeks.

Kym looked stunned. Neither of them said anything for a long time.

“Well,” Kym cleared her throat. “Let’s get started on these invitations.”

Will picked up a piece of paper and sniffed it. “Is this… watermelon-scented? I should have expected this,” he teased.

“Mhm. I also have watermelon pens but I left them at home,” she said with a sigh. “These will have to do.”

Will squinted at the words she was writing on the paper. “Your penmanship is _awful_.”

“It is not!”

“I can’t read this!”

“Then maybe you should get glasses!” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Then maybe you could _see_ that your opinion is unwelcome here!”

“Well, if it’s my fake wedding, I should at least have a bit of a say in it.” Will pulled a piece of stationery in front of him along with a pen. “Just tell me what to write.”

“ _Mr. and Mrs. Ladell request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Kym to Mr. William Hawkes on Sunday afternoon, January the thirtieth, XX28, at half past three._ ”

He set his pen down, then frowned. “That soon? It’s bad etiquette to give guests less than six weeks to answer.”

“Ah, but what you’re forgetting is that you _don’t_ want people to come, or else we’ll actually have to plan a wedding.” 

Begrudgingly, Will wrote the words in a neat and elegant script. When he showed it to Kym, her eyes widened.

“What the hell? This is so disgustingly perfect! If only this wedding was real!” She sighed dramatically and fell back into her chair. Will felt his face grow hot and turned away. 

What if it _was_ real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof writing their banter do be fun. I LIVE FOR THEIR DYNAMIC!!1!  
> this chapter is dedicated to the incredibly talented annapantsu bc i was listening to her phenomenal cover of "i won't say i'm in love" [[link]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJeNuwy8HI) while writing this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> hey yall- sorry this is so short. i'll be adding more chapters soon since writing this genuinely put a smile on my face. :)
> 
> this fic is dedicated to maura quint as it was inspired by her tweet: [[link]](https://twitter.com/behindyourback/status/1041125826790612992)


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